No one told you life was gonna be this way

We’re all terrible friends. That does, at least, appear to be the prevailing worldview.

Men are in a friendship recession, and according to American podcaster and marketing podcaster, Scott Galloway, it is literally killing them. In response, he cites a 2022 study that shows casual check-ins are unexpectedly meaningful and profoundly appreciated.

That solution, however, is challenged by a critique of catch up culture that calls out “the modern hamster wheel of recapping your life to friends”. A feeling we all know far too well, desperately searching our brains for any significant moment beyond going to work and attending identical catch ups with other people.

It’s not just men. Bad Friend, a book by Tiffany Watt Smith, argues that female friendships are subject to unachievably high standards, such as remembering what was said at the start of a 12 minute voice note and other, actually important things.

Technology is, as ever, cited as the problem.

The fact that friendships are now largely housed on your phone (messages, social media content, the aforementioned dreaded voice notes) means they are “lost in the sauce of everything else” (work messages, social media sponsored content, dreaded voicemails from your telco). 

Obviously, someone is also trying to ruin friendships with AI. 

‘Friend’, founded by Avi Schiffmann, is a weird necklace that listens to everything and then interacts with you. Schiffmann is at least honest about his motivations - rather than some grand purpose, he admits he started the company to “get a hot girlfriend”.

But it’s not just technology. Rising costs mean young people are moving in together sooner, which has the accidental but unavoidable consequence of putting partners over friendships. 

Modern culture seems to fetishise friendships, while making them as difficult as possible to create and maintain. It’s a depressing paradox - if only there was a friend we could chat it through with.