The unintended pain of the opt-out: A Mother’s Day reminder
With Mother’s Day this weekend, as expected, my inbox has been flooded with the familiar subject line: “Want to opt out of Mother’s Day emails?”
From flower delivery services, fashion retailers and even theatre ticket providers, brands are increasingly offering subscribers the chance to silence the seasonal marketing noise. An attempt at compassion, a nod to those who don’t see this as a day of happy celebration. On the surface, it’s thoughtful. In practice, it’s complicated.
Don’t get me wrong. I know the intention is good. Somewhere in a marketing meeting, someone said, “Let’s give people a way to opt out. Just in case.” And for some people, it might help. For those facing a recent loss, complicated family dynamics, or even fertility challenges, Mother’s Day messaging can sting.
But as someone who lost their Mum in 2010, every opt-out email is a trigger. And I’m sure I’m not alone. Before the shops overflow with Mother’s Day displays and websites prompting me to find the perfect gift for mum, it’s those emails that feel like a constant punch in the gut. It doesn’t stop the day from coming. It doesn’t soften the blow. And worst of all, it puts the emotional onus on me to take action.
From a brand and comms perspective, I understand how we got here. Empathy is trending. The backlash to “thoughtless” campaigns is real, and risk-averse marketing teams are eager to show they care.
But here’s the challenge – caring shouldn’t mean outsourcing discomfort to the consumer. If a brand truly wants to be mindful of potentially sensitive occasions, it needs to think beyond the checkbox. Because when I have to click “opt out,” I’m not thinking, Wow, they really get me. It’s just another reminder that she’s gone.
So it got me thinking, what’s actually the alternative?
Brands could experiment with opt-in communications where seasonal messaging is turned off by default. Customers can actively choose to hear from brands about sensitive holidays or those they don’t celebrate like Christmas.
Brands could also rethink the tone of campaigns altogether, and consider using more inclusive, less generic language that just talks about it being a celebration.
Some brands have even leaned into authenticity, acknowledging the complexity of days like Mother’s Day in creative work, rather than pretending everyone is joyfully brunching with mum. This is something Aesop and Go-To have previously championed, by acknowledging up-front in their customer communications that Mother’s Day can be a challenging time.
It’s not about erasing the day or downplaying its meaning for those who cherish it.
But opt-out prompts shouldn’t just be treated like annual compliance.
Brands should look to build editorial calendars that consider life events, diversity, and lived experiences.
Sure, empathy matters in marketing, but it’s not a campaign lever. It’s an ongoing commitment to thoughtful connection that isn’t putting the burden on the consumer.
Because in trying to do the right thing, we sometimes forget that grief doesn’t need a courtesy opt-out.